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Late Fireworks

September 23, 2009

It’s almost October, and I forgot to tell you about my 4th of July.

It was a bit more eventful than last year’s Fourth of July because it involved lots of people, lemonade, firemen, and malfunctioning fireworks.

We were close to where they were shooting them off. There was a stand selling hotdogs and lemonade, and lot and lots of people. Since we were so close to the fireworks, it was also loud.

Lucy: I’m gonna go buy a. . .
Fireworks: BANG!
Lucy: Do you want one too?
Me: What did you say?

On the way back from the lemonade stand, Lucy was busy watching the fireworks and tripped over a cocker spaniel and spilled my lemonade. So we both had to share the other one.

After the grand finale (when they shoot off all the remaining fireworks at once), everybody started to get up and leave when . . .

Fireworks Explode

Fireworks: BANG!

I think one of the  big ones forgot to go off when all the others did—but then remembered what it was supposed to do too late.

There was a lot of yelling going on over there and people with flashlights running around, then . . .

Firework Launch

Fireworks guy: LOOKOUT!
Fireworks: Boom! Bang! BANG!
Someone in the crowd: We’re all going to DIE!

The fireworks kept exploding right next to the ground. The firework people didn’t know where to run because they would fire off sideways and explode in odd places, like in the trees and over by the big fire truck.

Eventually, the firemen (who were there, just in case something like this happened.) got in their fire truck, drove over and hosed down where the firework boxes were.

I think the police were a little upset with the guy in charge of the fireworks. Here is a picture of him talking with the police after it was all over.

Unhappy Cops

Nobody got hurt, and everything was eventually cleaned up. I think it was a fun night.

Whuf!

May 20, 2009

There are two main controls on my motorscooter–the throttle and the brake. I twist the trottle with my right hand to go faster, and squeeze the brake levers to stop. It’s really simple. Except when I’m on Hill Street. 

Hill Street goes up and up with a stop sign just before the top. Sometimes, I climb the hill kind of slow and there are people behind me. Then, I come to the stop sign and let go of the throttle and grab my brakes. 

Now it gets hard. I have to let go of the brakes. But when I do, my motorscoooter starts to roll backwards–towards the car behind me. I don’t want to hit the car, so I grab the throttle and give it a good twist. My scooter has a strong engine so I go shooting over the top of the hill, through the intersection, and over a big pothole in the middle. 

Here is a picture of me bouncing off the pothole. I look startled because I am. I think all the other drivers looked a little startled, too. 

Kevin Bounce

At the top of Hill Street is Center Bank. This is where I cash my checks from the Supermarket. That’s what I did today.

I had parked it next to the curb, and when i came out of Center Bank there was something waiting for me. 

Whuf!

   

Dog: Whuf.
Me: Ummm. Hello?
Dog: Whuf.
Me: What are you doing here?
Dog: Whuf.
Me: Who put you here?
Dog: Whuf.
Me: What’s your name?
Dog: Whuf.

He was small and skinny and kept letting out a low, horsey, bark. 

Dog: Whuf!

I think sombody tied him to my mudgard and abandoned him. That kind of makes me mad. He looked like a very nice dog. 

Me: What am I going to do with you?
Dog: Whuf! Whuf! Whuf!

Riding a motorscooter with a dog isn’t easy. I had to steer and work the trottle and brake with one hand, and hold the dog with the other. I had to turn my face away from the road, too, because he would lick me on the mouth. 

Me: Yuck!
Dog: Whuf!
Me: Oh no, there’s somebody behind me.

Kevin Pulled Over

I knew this police officer from my visits to the courthouse. His name is Mort, and he likes to say the same thing over and over.

Mort: May I see your license please?
Me: Ok. But I’m sorry officer, I didn’t know it was illegal to carry a dog on a motorscooter.
Mort: May I see your registration please?
Me: Ok. But, I wasn’t going to carry him very far. I just need to get him to our house.
Mort: May I see your proof of insurance please?
Dog: Whuf!
Me: Shhh!
Mort: One of your tail lights is out. You should get that fixed. Goodbye.

Kevin and Mort

As soon as I got home I fed the dog some leftover Kentucky Fried Chicken. He was hungry. What do you think I should call him?

Dog Eating Chicken

 

 

The Sutures

May 6, 2009

The Bakers live next door. They have a son named Bebo. Mr. and Mrs. Baker work a lot. I think Bebo is trying to get their attention by starting a band in the garage.

Here is a picture of Bebo and his friends. That’s Bebo on the right.

The Sutures

Bebo: Ok, guys. We need a name for the band.
Hash: Something random. So people think we don’t like the status-quo.
B-Sting: And rebellious. So our parents will think we are heading down the wrong path.
Beeter: And loud so they think we are sustaining premature hearing loss.
Bebo: How about “The Sutures?”

Bebo and his friends have been spending a lot of time in the garage with their instruments. Bebo and Hash both play guitar. That’s Hash on the right.

Bebo and Hash

Hash: It doesn’t look like we are having much success with your parents. All your dad does when he gets home is read engineering manuals, and your mom looks at medical journals.
Bebo: Yeah, they don’t seem to hear our music even though we are playing it at a dangerously high decibel level. But, I’m sure that if they did hear it, they would start to get worried about us and take our instruments away.
Hash: Or do other things to correct our wayward path. I think we need to try something new.
Bebo: What about this? It’s a book of sheet music I found at the library.
Hash: Prelude Number 2 by Johann Sebastian Bach. Hmmm. It doesn’t sound very rebellious.

Valentine’s Day

February 23, 2009

Valentine’s Day is coming up.

calendar2

We just got a shipment of Valentine’s Day candy in at the supermarket. There are boxes of candy samplers, alot of choclate truffles in the shape of hearts, and heaps and heaps of Hershey’s Kisses stuffed into bags. Reginald told me put it all onto the shelf.

valentine-candy

My manager, Reginald, has been acting a little strangely about the store since the flood. Now, he doesn’t like to put things on the bottom shelf. Unless they are inexpensive things.

Reginald: What are you doing? Don’t put the candy on the bottom shelf. The wrappers will get wet.
Me: The wrappers?
Reginald: Yes, put the candy on the top shelf. We need to make sure all our valuble items are kept safe. And, I want you to take all the Hershey’s Kisses out of the sacks and line them up induvidually on the second to top shelf. Got it?
Me: Ummm. Ok.

Now, the candy is a little hard to reach on the top shelf. Unless you use one of the lawn chairs we sell in isle twelve. But the candy is on isle one, so that would make it difficult.

Here is a picture of me lining up all the Hershey’s Kisses. Doesn’t it look like I want to eat one? I didn’t. We are selling them for five cents each.

kisses

This is the first Valentine’s Day where I’ve had somebody send a valentine to. I’m sending one to Lucy.

kevin-sends-valentine

Here is what I said.

I want you to be my valentine,
if it’s ok with you too, thats very fine.
I hope you enjoyed this little rhyme,
want to come visit me sometime?

lucy-at-door

New Neighbors

December 18, 2008

The Bakers just moved in next door–two parents and a son. 

Mr and Mrs Baker must not have liked thier son very much because they named him Bebo. Here is a picture of Bebo. 
Bebo
This morning I saw Bebo shoveling the sidewalk. 
Bebo shovels
Me: Hello, Bebo, are your parents home?
Bebo: No, they are working. They aren’t home very much. They work all the time. They made me shovel the sidewalk. 
Me: Oh, how do you like the new house?
Bebo: It’s big. I have it all to myself most of the time. I’m thinking about starting a band in the garage. Something loud so my parents hear it. I have this book called “Teenage Rebellion for Dummies.” It says if I act rebellious my parents might start worrying about me becoming a juvenile delinquent. Then, they might pay more attention to me instead of their jobs. I’ve been thinking about getting my nose pierced, but it sounds painful. 
Bebo reads
I think I should try and invite Bebo over to my place sometime. He needs people to hang out with. 
Here is a picture of the Baker family. 
Baker family

Yeeehaw!

December 3, 2008

Today, I showed my friend, Lucy, my scooter. 

Lucy: Oh! That’s like the scooter you had in Paris. Is it fast?
Me: It’s fast. It has a 148cc engine, and is fuel injected. 
Lucy: Oh, I love going fast. Do you wear a helmet? I heard that it is dangerous to ride a motorscooter without a helmet because you might hit your head.
Me: Yes, I always wear a helmet. See, here is a big red sticker on my motorscooter. It says, “failure to properly wear a helmet could result in a traumatic brain injury.” 
Lucy: Oh, that wouldn’t be nice. Do you have a second helmet? 
Me: Yes. 
two on scooter
Lucy: THIS IS SO FUN!
Me: DO I KNOW A PUN? YES, BUT I CANT THINK OF ONE NOW.
Lucy: NO, I SAID, “THIS IS SO FUN!”
Me: OH! I KNOW. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO?
Lucy: I DON’T CARE. I JUST WANT TO GO! 
Me: HANG ON!
Lucy: YEEEHAW!
Me: HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE “WALL-E” YET?
Lucy: UMMM. ISN’T BALI IN INDONESIA? 
Me: THAT ISN’T WHAT I SAID. I SAID . . .

Wall-E

Visit to the Courthouse

November 24, 2008

 

 

courthouse

That is a picture of me riding to the courthouse. I put a flag on my scooter, to show people where I was going. I was going to vote.

I know the security guard at the courthouse from the last time I voted. His name is Mort and he watches the metal detector.

Mort: Please take all items out of pockets and put them in the tray.
Me: Does that include my comb? It’s plastic. 
Mort: Please take all items out of pockets and put them in the tray.

I think Mort is bored of his job–he has to keep repeating the same thing over and over all day. 

Me: The weather is very nice outside today. 
Mort: Please take all items out of pockets and put them in the tray.

I wonder what Mort is like when he gets off work? 

After you put the stuff in the tray you walk through the metal detector and your stuff gets shoved through this box (probably testing it for bombs or something).

After that, I voted. There were alot of candidates that I didn’t know. People running for schoolboard and things like that. I didn’t know who to vote for. I hope the ones I voted for were good people. 

voting-booth

 

Reginald

October 21, 2008

When I came to work today, I found the supermarket flooded with water. It was because of all those storms and the rain. The water was up to the lowest shelf in half of the store and alot of food was soggy.

Reginald is the manager of the supermarket. Reginald tends to get upset when things don’t go well. Here is what the employees saw when we came to work.

We had to wade through the water and fish around for the food containers and put them in a big pile to be taken away. It was a little scary putting my hands into the murky water because I never knew what you would find. It could be a bottle of soap, a can of peas, or a fish that had swum in from the river to eat the food.

Gracie, a worker who usually restocks, tried to pick up a sack of potatoes and got bit by a snapping turtle. We couldn’t find a band aid to put on her finger because they were all under water somewhere.

Here is a picture of me in the boxed cerial isle wondering what was under the green box to my right, and whether it had teeth.

The store smelled very funny. In the juice section (where they have the drink mixes), all the water was blue and red and smelled like grape. Over in the tea section an entire shelf of tea had fallen in and everything smelled herby.

But, cleaning up the mess was the best part of the day compared with Reginald. He didn’t do much to help clean up except this.

Reginald: What! This potato salad expired two weeks ago!

I must sleep very soundly

October 17, 2008

Click

When I woke up this morning I went into the kitchen to find breakfast and flicked on the light switch.

Light switch: Click.
Me: Hmmm. I need to change that bulb.

So, I got a spare bulb, climbed up on the counter, and screwed in another one.

Light switch: Click
Me: Hmm Hmmm. That’s funny. My bulbs must be bad. I’ll go and ask Pat and Cindy if they have a spare bulb.

So, I walked out the front door. And . . .

You can see me scratching my chin in the picture, but I think I just opened my mouth and stared for a while. There was one big tree down right in front of the door, and another one lying on the power line. There was also lots and lots of sticks and branches in the yard.

Pat and Cindy walked over.

Cindy: That sure was some storm last night because I didn’t sleep a wink and I think the power went out at 2:30 but I can’t tell because all the clocks in our house are digital and when the power went out it was too dark to tell time boy there sure are alot of trees down around here I wonder when the power will come back on?
Pat: Looks like you got some trees down.

Pat doesn’t say as much as Cindy.

I must have slept very soundly, because I didn’t hear the wind, rain, or thunder.

Pat, Cindy, and I spent the whole day cleaning up our yards. I’m glad that tree missed the house, but I’m not glad that it came down–I liked that tree. I think I will plant another one next week.

Here are some pictures of me cleaning up the yard. The one in the middle shows me trying to push a big log that I cut with the chainsaw–I think I should have cut it into smaller pieces.

Here is a picture of the power company fixing the power line. We had our power back on later in the day.


Here is a picture of Pat eating lunch. Doesn’t he look sad just staring at his food? He said he doesn’t like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but that is all Cindy had that didn’t have to be cooked.


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